So, my step-mother (technically… it’s a long story) posted this to her Facebook Status…

Every woman deserves a man who calls her baby, kisses her like he means it. Holds her tight like he never wants to let go, doesn’t make her jealous of other women, instead makes other women jealous of her, is not scared to let his friends and family know how he really feels about her and won’t let any of them treat her bad, lets her know how much he really loves her…

…and it really got me thinking. It really struck a chord. Normally, I ignore über right-wing FB Status Updates, requests to join their Mafia, or play Be-Jeweled… especially when they end with “if you agree, then please re-post.” I’m just not that much of a follower… I guess. Well, she got me this time.

What struck me the most was “…doesn’t make her jealous of other women, instead makes other women jealous of her…” Wow. That’s exactly where I’ve failed… especially with my ex-girlfriend. And it’s not a difficult thing to do. I mean, how hard is it to be attentive to your soul-mate’s needs? So, why in God’s name did I make such a painfully obvious mistake? I’m still trying to figure it out.

Conversely, Ken at “Everything Must Go” offered his male perspective thus:

Every man deserves a woman who respects him to his face and behind his back, doesn’t cheat, doesn’t sexually reject him but is an enthusiastic lover, keeps herself together, doesn’t make him jealous of other men, instead makes other men jealous of him, sends him off to have time with the guys with a smile instead of eye-daggers, lets him do things for her, doesn’t treat him like one of her girlfriends, tells him what she needs instead of expecting him to read her mind or decipher hints, is not scared to let her friends know how she really feels about him, and lets him know how much she appreciates and respects him…

From my perspective, these feel as close to a perfect analysis as I’ve read in quite a while.

Women are not accustomed to men who are straight-forward or blunt… whereas, men do not like having to second-guess their mate’s intentions. Wow! It’s a miracle that ANY of us can get along. Both sexes are behind the eight-ball every step of the moment.

My advice to everyone who reads this: Stop the nonsense! Get with the program! You are in love! Shout it out from the mountain tops! You are going to have differences. It’s SO very common. Trust them as much as they trust you. Tell them what you are feeling. Don’t be ashamed. You have their back, right? Take the criticism. They wouldn’t be offering if they didn’t give a damn. Do what needs to be done. Get help… some really good help. The two of you can’t do this alone, can you? Take those dancing lessons, get into couples-therapy, sing, dance, eat, be vulnerable, help them, do what it takes. You love them, right? Of course you do. That’s why the two of you will survive… because, the two of you are in love with each other… and that is a beautiful thing. Make those other couples jealous. Do it. I dare you.

I’ve “shanked” the best relationship I have ever had because of my stubbornness. Please… don’t let this happen to you.

Just got this in my inbox tonight. I’m so excited. I can’t wait to tell my Dad.

Barrister Marcus Wilson & partners.
Rue du Gouvernerur Bayol
B.P 1280
Cotonou,Benin
Private / Highly Confidential
Subject Matter: Invitation To Act As Next Of Kin.

Dear Friend,

I presume this letter will come to you as a surprise, but  as things unfold,we will know each other better. I will start by introducing myself to you.My names are Barrister Marcus Wilson a solicitor at law.

I am writing in respect of a foreigner Mr Glenn David, who happens to be my client an oil merchant and contractor who perished in a plane crash,You may also wish to view this web site on the internet to confirm the plane crash.

http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/12/25/benin.crash/index.html?iref=allsearch

Since the demise of my client I personally have watched with keen interest to see the next of kin but all has proved abortive as no one has come to claim his funds of Eighty Five Million Five Hundred  Thousand United States Dollar and all the relevant documents in the  bank has no record of any next of kin.

On this note, I decided to seek for whom his name shall be used as his next of kin so I have contacted you to assist in repatriating most especially, the money left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where the huge deposits were lodged.

Particularly, the Bank of  Africa where the deceased had an account valued at about Eighty Five Million Five Hundred  Thousand United States Dollar has issued me a notice to provide the Next of kin, or have the account confiscated.

I seek your consent to present you as the Next of kin of the deceased,I need somebody who is trustworthy and willing to assist me get the funds transfered.Whcih the account which my late client operate is valued at Eighty Five Million Five Hundred  Thousand United States Dollar can be paid to you, as my clients Next of Kin, and then we can share the amount on a mutual agreed percentage.
All legal documents to back up your claim as the deceased Next of Kin will be provided.

All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us see this deal through. I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law and you should endeavor to keep it confidential.

kind send this requirement for more information.

NAME………..
COUNTRY……..
AGE…………
SEX…………
OCCUPATION…..
PHONE NUMBER…

Please get in touch with me at: barr.marcus.w@hotmail.com.com , to enable us discuss further about this transaction.

Best Regards,

Barrister Marcus Wilson

Does anybody really fall for this anymore?

Christmas Cookies

Christmas 2009 draws to a close as I spend Saturday driving my kids from Iowa City to Chicago for them to hop a flight back to Nashville. This holiday season was spent  with the family at my folks place in Van Horne; along with Jared, Haley, Beth, John, Emmett, Christine, Dave, Larry, Lou and my fav GF, Angie.

I was surprised that the remote helicopters I picked for for my kids went off like nobody’s business. They eventually attempted to terrorize my cat, Spengler, but he soon lost interest after several bombing runs. Mucho kudos go out to John and his lofty gift to Jard: one of those mini-digital video cameras. SWEET! A shout-out goes out to my brother-in-law, Dan. If it weren’t for him, neither I, Jared or Haley would actually have their OWN domain name. You ROCK!

New Years Eve was spent playing 5-hours of Rock Band at my theatrical-com-padre Vicki’s house. Ask about her last trip to India. On second thought, DON’T ask her. In the mean time, I’m gonna’ put on some Modest Mouse.

Here’s a few pix from the trip to Chicago. So long, 2009. I hardly knew ya’.

Xmas Bolt

So, Christmas started this year with Angie and I traveling on Christmas Eve to her folks place in Cedar Rapids. There, we would trade gifts, watch her brother’s peculiar kids and eat… a LOT. I’m not entirely sure that her family has really go the hang of Christmas gifts, because her brother (Rich) gave me a rather hefty grab-bag of stuff. It wasn’t the heft of the bag that threw me, but the contents. I think he forgot I was attending the family gathering. Check out the photos below and see for yourself.

[Show as slideshow]

Chris Martin of Coldplay

Shortly after it was announced that the Well Fargo Arena in Des Moines was hosting Coldplay on June 12, 2009… I purchased tickets on the first level balcony. Although I thought that the stage was to be right in front of me, I was just as jazzed with the seating when I realized they would be on the opposite side of the arena…cuz’…the seats were great.

The full story, however, is rather silly…and sweet.

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Since my mother, Mary Albers,  passed away, I’ve felt rather listless. Mom had a knack for helping me put life into perspective. And, now that she’s “shuffled off this mortal coil”…I’ve felt a little out of my element… so to speak. It’s one thing to know that you are OK, but it’s completely another to actually “know” it.

Now that I have another “failed” relationship under my belt, I find myself in a state of searching. “For what,” you ask? Well, it’s feels rather nebulous at the moment. Like a steaming cup of coffee after you’ve poured-in some half-and-half, but before you’ve stirred it completely. All those creamy tentacles reaching out to every nook and cranny of the cup.

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My family is rather fond of cooking as a way of beating the stress during the holiday season. This Christmas will be ominously different as this will be the first since my mother passed away. To cheer me up, my father recently passed along a Christmas Cookie recipe that sounded interesting, but since our tastes are not entirely the same, I’ve modified it to fit my more urban tendencies and I share it here with you:

Bourbon/Whiskey Christmas Cookies

• 1 cup of water
• 1 tsp baking soda
• 1 cup of sugar
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 cup or brown sugar
• 4 large eggs
• 1 cup nuts
• 2 cups of dried fruit
• 1 bottle Jim Beam Bourbon

Sample the Bourbon to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Bourbon again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure the Bourbon is still ok, try another cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Bourbon to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves a sheet. Check the Bourbon. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don’t forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Jim Beam and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.

Cherry Mistmas !