Comedy News

Dad’s Modified Christmas Cookies


My family is rather fond of cooking as a way of beating the stress during the holiday season. This Christmas will be ominously different as this will be the first since my mother passed away. To cheer me up, my father recently passed along a Christmas Cookie recipe that sounded interesting, but since our tastes are not entirely the same, I’ve modified it to fit my more urban tendencies and I share it here with you:

Bourbon/Whiskey Christmas Cookies


  • 1 cup of water
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1 cup of sugar
  • 1 tsp salt
  • 1 cup or brown sugar
  • 4 large eggs
  • 1 cup nuts
  • 2 cups of dried fruit
  • 1 bottle Jim Beam Bourbon

The Recipe

  • Sample the Bourbon to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Bourbon again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
  • Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
  • Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it’s best to make sure the Bourbon is still ok, try another cup just in case.
  • Turn off the mixerer thingy.
  • Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
  • Pick the frigging fruit off the floor.
  • Mix on the turner.
  • If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
  • Sample the Bourbon to check for tonsisticity.
  • Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves a sheet. Check the Bourbon. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
  • Add one table.
  • Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
  • Greash the oven.
  • Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
  • Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
  • Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Jim Beam and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.

Cherry Mistmas !

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